What a nutty few days. Struggles with responsibility, struggles with identity, struggles with confidence. Struggles with the political fates of entire nations and churches. One of those times where you think you probably should be getting more sleep, but somehow you know that more sleep would only go so far. Weight of a thrillingly wonderful and yet impossibly confusing (sometimes) world on your shoulders.
I'm not one for projecting God onto situations which are really quite normal (or just lucky). But what notable good timing when I got in the car in the midst of a day that had already presented serious frustrations and the country station was playing "Jesus, Take the Wheel."
I am always involved in an ever-continuing quest for authenticity in faith. God should be far more than an imaginary friend for adults or a cute, powerful name to give to sheer coincidence. And listening to cheap American Idol country music on Nashville's Big 98 may or may not be a terribly poetic and appropriate moment for finding God. But for me, everything lies with the mystery of life - say, for example, those moments when the weight of the world really is on your shoulders and you truly understand that you can't go it alone. Is it possible that Carrie Underwood's big country hit is revelatory and profound?
I'm inclined to say yes. Crazy.
In other news, I am committing myself to letting go of some my frustration about the PC(USA) moderator election, and I am grateful to Apostle John for his calm wisdom. Good to electronically meet you, John. Perhaps even GA is a "Jesus, Take the Wheel" situation. Perhaps we presbynerds could use a lesson in letting go.
Pardon me for brain-dumping, but one reflection more. I am super into (at least one side of) Ben Harper's most recent album, "Both Sides of the Gun." Particularly the song "Better Way." Goodness, how wonderful.
It's a hot day in Nashville. Hillsboro Village looks lively and wonderful as ever. Perfect day for enjoying some coffee, turning off (or at least turning down) my brain and relinquishing my hold of the wheel.
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4 comments:
hey stuart.
i just wanted to say that i appreciate you :)
most likely unbeknownst to you, your blog (which i read faithfully) extends to me a great amount of personal encouragement and support. i am not the strong, complete individual i wish i was, and it seems that, much like your incident with a mediocre pop country hit, God seems to place the moments i read this blog strategically in my life. just when i need someone to remind me to just let it all go...just when i'm seeming to forget what i know most fundamentally...perhaps just when i need someone to agree that i can still be a christian while gay...He seems to pull your words into me when i need them...thanks for writing :)
jeff
yo stuarthill,
letting go has been really hard for me lately. i almost wanted to say too, but i know we're in two different places. i guess i just wanted to say you make sense to me, especially right now. hope saop is going well.
love
kate
Great post -- look forward to reading more. Maybe I will run into you at GA :)
i'm actually not at GA - wish i could be. i'm just an interested college student. blessings on and prayers for you and everyone else in birmingham.
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