Elegy and Reflection

In many ways, I really adore the mornings when I get up and go to John Paul II High School: there I am, coat and tie, coffee in hand, getting in the Volkswagen and turning on the NPR. It is truly exciting to really feel that I am getting closer and closer to the day when I can say that I am, in fact, a music teacher - not just someone who dreams of being one, or even a student studying to be one. Yes, somewhere between the caffeine and the public radio these mornings just make me feel alive.

This morning was a little different. Don't worry - the usual suspects were all in order: the tie was tied (and the outfit was appropriately Stuartish), the Volkswagen was tearing up the road and the NPR was as reliable as ever, except that this time it brought some bad news.

This morning, they announced, Coretta Scott King passed away unexpectedly.

Let me be honest for a moment and say that I don't know a lot about Coretta Scott King, and I wasn't any particular fan of hers. Admittedly, my reaction was not the same as if I had woken up this morning to hear that Ani DiFranco, Frederick Buechner, or Peter Sagal was dead. But Mrs. King was the other half to a man who has his own holiday in this country. And together they embodied the very spirit of a movement that is at once far away and finished and yet seems to continue on, unfinished as ever. Our most tangible connections to the soul of Dr. King, one of our country's most incredible heroes, are fading away quicky.

Lately I have been so struck by mortality and by the ways of progress in this world. I think of how our grandparents are becoming some of the only people left who were alive to hear about the tragedy at Pearl Harbor. And I am so overwhelmed by the notion that I one day will be explaining September 11, 2001, to grandchildren who know little of the day's details or implications. And I am worried about the day when I leave this world and soon, the tangible connections to my soul and history fade away just as quickly as I did.

As a Christian kind of guy, I think this is why it is so key that Jesus preached the love that he did. Love is what causes us to live respectfully and connectionaly, empowers us to feel connected to those we've never met and never will - at least on this side.

Interesting, isn't it? Maybe living life isn't about standing and being a warrior for what you believe. Maybe it's the subtle confidence and the quiet fight of love.

Here are two new sets of lyrics of mine.


O Love with Arms that Wrap Around
(Words by Stuart Hill, to the folk tune O Waly Waly)

O Love with arms that wrap around
Us as we stand on hallowed ground,
O Word of Life, O Spirit True,
O let us bind our hearts to You.

Teach us the beauty of this world,
That we may see Your Truth unfurled,
The music in a world of sound,
The hope that in the dark is found.

As we step forth into the night,
O may we carry forth Your light
In word and deed, in faith and prayer,
That we may meet Your presence there.


Whole Again
(words and music by Stuart Hill)

Lord, as the night takes the day,
We gather in and we pray
For strength and the courage to carry on in this way.
We come as people inspired,
We come with hearts that are tired
Of doubt and frustration and all that gets in the way.

Here we are, O Helper and Friend,
Weighted down by worry and sin,
So we come to the waters to be made whole again.

Teach us to make our amends
When like foes we treat our friends;
Teach us the patience to come and sit down and sup.
In our hearts let it be known -
The grace that we know to be shown
In bread being broken and wine poured into a cup.

Here we are, O Helper and Friend,
Weighted down by worry and sin,
So we come to the table to be made whole again.

Humbled we are by Your gifts,
Moved by the Spirit that lifts
Our words into prayer and our thoughts into quiet praise.

Here we are, O Helper and Friend,
Weighted down by worry and sin,
So we come now to worship and be made whole again.

Cheers for Wi-Fi

I just want to say that I am en route to Nashville, I have stopped in Black Mountain, NC, for coffee, and I wrote this entry with my Palm Tungsten TX. That's all - ciao.

Back to Nashville

So, today I'm headed back home-away-from-home to Nashville - any of you that read this, keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I travel, please!

Also, an incidental thanks to those of you who have been reading and commenting on this blog. I look forward to writing more about my life's adventures when I'm back in Nashville.

Thank You, God, for yesterday.
Thank You, God, for today.
Thank You, God, for tomorrow:
May I learn to walk in Your way.

My New Year's Resolution

So I told you about my new thing for respect and how it would be best to resolve to show a whole lot of respect.

It was a great NPR essay, I think, but for the moment I'm casting it to the wind. My new thing is showing love. My New Year's Resolution is to love more and better.

Love is the trickiest art out there, without doubt. It's really at the center of most things we do; that is, being happy is loving your job, being in a good loving relationship, showing love to your kids (even when it means punishing them), loving God if you're religious, maybe loving Ideas if you're not. Love is the primary subject matter on the radio (even in the guise of promiscuous sex - trust me, man does not live by nookie alone). Love infects our films. Love saturates our stories. Love changes us - and that's heavy.

Even the Apostle Paul knew it - and I think he's somebody that many of us trust. Love, he says, is the greatest thing among some pretty great things: the competition is fierce when you're up against Hope and Faith. But Love is, for Paul, the one that wins out. And I think he's right. And I think God agrees.

I also like what Don Miller has to say about love in Blue Like Jazz: that too many of us use love like currency. Give as a reward, withhold as punishment. Smile at the people you like, thumb your nose at the people you don't. Draw a line in the sand. Scorn the other side. I want to take it further: using love to divide happens even by using its conceptual entity as a divider. I must confess to loving that bumper sticker that says "When Jesus said to love people, I think he meant don't kill them." I even think that this is a message we should champion and put out there - but maybe the bumper sticker method isn't the best approach: comedian Demetri Martin suggests that bumper stickers are a sort of a shortcut, a quick way of saying "Hey - let's never hang out." Love? Maybe not.

Don Miller also says that he thinks Jesus calls us to make love a true, selfless gift - not currency. Jesus calls us to love one another without condition. That means, if necessary, loving contrary to pre-conceived notion. That means, if necessary, putting aside political differences (!). That means loving everybody and meaning the every part. Tricky, tricky. Trickier than Faith or Hope.

So here's what I say. I love you. I think that having this blog enables me to say that to a lot of people without enduring the awkwardness that would come with professing my love in person. And maybe that's a cop-out. But the truth of the matter is I'm not going to tell everybody that I love them.

I'm going to show them; at least, I'm going to try.

So, that gay-bashing, economy-worshipping, Bush-believing idiot over there? Love her/him. That contemporary church that keeps stealing our members? Love 'em. Every one. That unbelievably stupid, worthless, frustrating teacher? Love her/him. That jackass "friend" who gets every ounce of my effort and returns none of the niceties? Love her/him. I've got to do it; at least, I've got to try. It's what makes the most sense, even though it's tricky. Trickier than Faith or Hope.

I also want to point out why I began this entry by speaking a bit negatively about my respect post: Respect is not enough. Anne Lamott says you can love someone and not have any particular desire to meet him/her for lunch. We have to LOVE everyone. We can't love the people we want and respect the people we don't: that would be awfully civil and really rather admirable. But we must strive for more.

You can love someone without wanting to go to lunch with them - God, I love Anne Lamott.

Come to think of it, I love you too. God bless you.

Some Reasons to Believe in God

1. Nat King Cole
2. This picture I have of the sunset in Moyobamba
3. Bob, Ami, Patrick, Anna Hill
4. Ben Harper and the Blind Boys of Alabama
5. That deep longing in the soul for something more
6. The mystery of it all: just when you think you've figured it all out, there's an unanswered "why?"
7. That passage in Isaiah about springs in the desert
8. Music, of course

That's all for now. Happy New Year.